"His
parents were so mean and
uncaring so that's why Jim has
turned out the way he has. I
mean, who wouldn't become as shy
and as introverted as Jim if
they had parents like his!"
It's not uncommon to come across
a similar type of example like
that... every single day. The
story of how a person was
rottenly treated in childhood,
and so ultimately became the
story of what others said and
what they themselves said and
what society may have said. And
it's all pretty reasonable to be
adjustable to it and commiserate
and sympathize with it all and
it all takes the form of
concrete proof because of
absorbing and immersing oneself
in... THE LIE.
And it's a MAMMOTH lie because
no one can give us our self
esteem and our self worth. Only
we can do that. And it's
precisely here where all the
drama and assumptive living and
inaccurate thinking happens
because what's going on here is
the notion that we are who we
are because of what others tell
us and say we are. When in
reality, we need no one to
anoint us or appoint us or
bestow their mark of approval on
us in order for us to feel like
we're SOMEBODY... that we've
arrived... that we've reached
the ultimate.
So, let's remind ourselves of
the games we played, that may
have (falsely) given us our self
esteem -- and it was in the game
to be liked, to fit in, to be
popular, to be the best at
sports, to be fancied, to be the
one with the top grades.
And what happened when we didn't
be all that... what happened to
us, inside?
Well, for some, the pain of it
all was too much so we'd hide
out and become loners. For
others it was envy...envious of
others who became what we
aspired to in the childhood
scheme of things. AND... for
many, these childhood dramas
wasn't simply reserved for
childhood - because without
really realizing it, it all
seeped into adulthood without
ever having any intention of
being removed.
Of course, the justification for
'how a person turned out' ... is
to blame childhood. And only
TOTALLY! Because that's where
one's self-esteem is most
fragile and where lifelong
permanent scars, happen.
But oh how infantile and how
childish and how irresponsible
of us to buy into that as a
permanent lifelong fixture. And,
how many lies we continually
tell ourselves to make this all
seem REAL and BELIVEABLE!
The simple truth is that we can
make ANYTHING mean anything we
want it to mean. And that
sentence either has pure
negativity or pure creativity
laced into it... depending on
how you now INTERPRET IT and
what type of story you want to
tell about it. And isn't that
just the story of all our
lives... how we narrate what
happens to us... at every
moment?
So how does self esteem come
into this? How does it get
created?
Well, if you've noted the word
created, you will have a clue to
self esteem because self esteem
is nothing more than the actions
and the activity we're involved
in, the self, at any given
moment. And it's in our daily
doing... in our actions... in
our movement and motion as to
where our self esteem comes
from.
And that all arises from
creativity.
So if Jim was someone who
continually blames his childhood
and his upbringing and his
parental relationships and his
locality and his luck and his
wrong choice of partner and the
dead end job and the weather and
the economy... then... that's a
life steeped in the role of a
victim.
On the other hand, if Jim was
someone who, whilst moving
through adulthood and maturity,
understood where he came from
and how his parents did what
they could and if he understood
that he chose his job and he
willingly participated in his
personal relationships then Jim
has a power most don't give
themselves permission to access
- his ability to change his mind
based on his ability to
creatively think about his life.
And of course most don't do that
because it's too much like hard
work and it's too much like
rocking a boat... a boat that
they're oh so comfortable with
and so it's like that for the
very first time in their
lives... they're in control of
their lives and that's just too
downright scary to take on!
So the people who DO take life
on in this way, well, they have
ownership of their very self -
of their deepest self because
they know that their whole life
is a creation of their own
thoughts. And what they then
decide to DO with their
thoughts, creates and shapes
their own destiny - and that's
pure self esteem and self worth
at play here because it's
OWNERSHIP OF ACTION!
And nothing can trump that -
OWNERSHIP OF ACTION when it
comes to living a life of
responsibility and joy and
creativity.
High self esteem comes NOT from
the opinions of others, but of
our individual ownership of
thought & action and creativity.
And the difference? Well,
it's... HUGE.
